Great article. It is outrageous the conditions you have to put up with in the US. I read the stat about only 30% of workers getting paid leave over and over because I just couldn’t comprehend it.
I notice some of your data is from Australia, where I am. We have paid parental leave and subsidised childcare and the motherhood penalty is still really bad here. Obviously the US needs that as an absolute baseline but it is not a panacea.
I feel like you know this based on my reading of your article, but until we start to see childcare and raising children as a shared responsibility not just for mothers, and money being for women as well as men, this is never going to change.
Yes, absolutely, the key is fathers stepping up and taking family leave. That is when it starts... both them seeing the children as their responsibility as well AND sending the message to the company that it is not just MOTHERS who are impacted by children. If fathers took their leave and allowed caregiving to be a part of who they are in the office, we would see the motherhood penalty disappear eventually. But so far we have a long way to go.
It’s funny, I’ve been saying for a while, half jokingly, that we need mandatory paternity leave if we want equality. Not mandatory it’s offered, mandatory that men take it.
I’m fortunate to find myself in a management position these days and I always make a point to let my staff know that when we had our kids, both my wife and myself took 3 months of leave. Partly that’s so they have the expectation that it’s ok for them to do so, male or female, and partly because a lot of the time folks don’t think of how flexibly this can be done. We are fortunate to live in New Jersey, where paid leave, 3 months for each parent, is now law (although sadly it’s only 60% salary). But you can also take that time at any point in the first year, and it doesn’t need to be in one chunk. My wife took off 2 months initially (using disability after birth meant she could take more than 3 months total), while I returned to work after 2 weeks. She then returned to work 3 days a week, while I worked 2 days a week, and that allowed us have our son home until he was 6 months old, and meant we were both present in the office for most of that period, just to a lesser degree.
A lot of the time I think folks don’t realize that’s an option (and, to be fair, throughout much of the US it isn’t). It’s absolutely important for men to show that this kind of thing can be done, and also for management to not only make sure their employees are aware they’ll be supported on leave, but also to walk the walk if it’s them who’re being the carers.
Thank you so much and I agree wholeheartedly that paternity leave should be mandatory to take for all the reasons you outline above. I had no idea that you could use your leave the way you and your wife did. That makes so much sense. I honestly feel like in addition to "taking care of baby" classes, we need seminars for parents to figure out how to manage their leave, what kind of state benefits are available and how to set things up like you were able to. Sadly because every state is different, there is no formula. But yes to management being the place where all of this needs to start. We need examples higher up for men taking leave, being a part of the care equation, so those further down the line see it is important and possible.
This article is so true. Our kids are now teenagers and even consistently saving over 20% of my income I still cannot get anywhere near where my husband’s retirement savings are. I took nine months off with first child and five months with second child. I work part time - 24-30 hrs a week. When it comes to retirement time my SS will be significantly lower as a result because I was managing work and the children.
Yep. There is no way to catch up. Luckily, depending on what state you are in, IF you divorce, the retirement is split 50/50. It also might be worth putting something in writing (aka a post-nup) regarding that sacrifice. Some divorce lawyers might even say you should receive more in the retirement savings for that very reason... that he will have more social security coming his way. Again, not to say that you and your husband are getting divorced! BUT I am and thus see all these issues from the other side and without legal protections, women who sacrifice their careers are in a much more vulnerable state.
Absolutely. I am constantly shocked the pre nups and post nups are generally spoken of as being in favor of the man/more wealthy spouse. Of course women should be getting compensated for career sacrifices in favor of family in case of divorce, especially in retirement savings, Roth IRAs etc. even if no divorce.
Great article. It is outrageous the conditions you have to put up with in the US. I read the stat about only 30% of workers getting paid leave over and over because I just couldn’t comprehend it.
I notice some of your data is from Australia, where I am. We have paid parental leave and subsidised childcare and the motherhood penalty is still really bad here. Obviously the US needs that as an absolute baseline but it is not a panacea.
I feel like you know this based on my reading of your article, but until we start to see childcare and raising children as a shared responsibility not just for mothers, and money being for women as well as men, this is never going to change.
PS that whole “paid childcare comes out of the mother’s salary” fallacy is such a bugbear of mine too!!
Yes, absolutely, the key is fathers stepping up and taking family leave. That is when it starts... both them seeing the children as their responsibility as well AND sending the message to the company that it is not just MOTHERS who are impacted by children. If fathers took their leave and allowed caregiving to be a part of who they are in the office, we would see the motherhood penalty disappear eventually. But so far we have a long way to go.
It’s funny, I’ve been saying for a while, half jokingly, that we need mandatory paternity leave if we want equality. Not mandatory it’s offered, mandatory that men take it.
I’m fortunate to find myself in a management position these days and I always make a point to let my staff know that when we had our kids, both my wife and myself took 3 months of leave. Partly that’s so they have the expectation that it’s ok for them to do so, male or female, and partly because a lot of the time folks don’t think of how flexibly this can be done. We are fortunate to live in New Jersey, where paid leave, 3 months for each parent, is now law (although sadly it’s only 60% salary). But you can also take that time at any point in the first year, and it doesn’t need to be in one chunk. My wife took off 2 months initially (using disability after birth meant she could take more than 3 months total), while I returned to work after 2 weeks. She then returned to work 3 days a week, while I worked 2 days a week, and that allowed us have our son home until he was 6 months old, and meant we were both present in the office for most of that period, just to a lesser degree.
A lot of the time I think folks don’t realize that’s an option (and, to be fair, throughout much of the US it isn’t). It’s absolutely important for men to show that this kind of thing can be done, and also for management to not only make sure their employees are aware they’ll be supported on leave, but also to walk the walk if it’s them who’re being the carers.
Thank you so much and I agree wholeheartedly that paternity leave should be mandatory to take for all the reasons you outline above. I had no idea that you could use your leave the way you and your wife did. That makes so much sense. I honestly feel like in addition to "taking care of baby" classes, we need seminars for parents to figure out how to manage their leave, what kind of state benefits are available and how to set things up like you were able to. Sadly because every state is different, there is no formula. But yes to management being the place where all of this needs to start. We need examples higher up for men taking leave, being a part of the care equation, so those further down the line see it is important and possible.
This article is so true. Our kids are now teenagers and even consistently saving over 20% of my income I still cannot get anywhere near where my husband’s retirement savings are. I took nine months off with first child and five months with second child. I work part time - 24-30 hrs a week. When it comes to retirement time my SS will be significantly lower as a result because I was managing work and the children.
Yep. There is no way to catch up. Luckily, depending on what state you are in, IF you divorce, the retirement is split 50/50. It also might be worth putting something in writing (aka a post-nup) regarding that sacrifice. Some divorce lawyers might even say you should receive more in the retirement savings for that very reason... that he will have more social security coming his way. Again, not to say that you and your husband are getting divorced! BUT I am and thus see all these issues from the other side and without legal protections, women who sacrifice their careers are in a much more vulnerable state.
In love with your article! Thank you for writing this. 🫶🏼
Absolutely. I am constantly shocked the pre nups and post nups are generally spoken of as being in favor of the man/more wealthy spouse. Of course women should be getting compensated for career sacrifices in favor of family in case of divorce, especially in retirement savings, Roth IRAs etc. even if no divorce.