I love this! I remember how upset people were over Heather's book! I felt the same way recently with Mary Catherine Starr's Division of Labor. She writes pretty honestly about her husband (with his permission & with a heavy dose of humor), and it really rubs some people the wrong way.
I might ask more about how having kids has impacted their relationship. And money, LOL. You know I want to know about the money! Maybe "Is money a source of tension in your marriage? Why or why not?" Also, you might want to ask specifics about what they love/hate about their spouse. I feel like everyone has that one thing their spouse does that makes them want to murder them.
Yes, I love Mary Catherine Starr's work and she often gets a lot of negative feedback: "how does your husband feel about it?" ick. Of course you want more about money. I assume that money is always a source of tension in a marriage, but I added that layer. And yes, great idea about one thing they love and one thing they hate.
"What did you not consider when you decided to get married but which (in hindsight) you should really have thought about? And vice versa, what did you consider when making your decision which has subsequently turned out to be relatively unimportant?"
I think you've largely covered this in some questions, but it might be helpful to ask directly: How do you allocate compensated or financial labor (i.e. money you each bring in from entities outside the home for employment or other income), domestic labor (i.e. caregiving tasks, cooking, cleaning, child and/or elder care, etc), administrative labor (i.e. the mental load of managing all the tasks and noticing various things, staying on top of the various administrative pieces the household needs to run), and relational labor (i.e. the interpersonal dynamics between you and your partner that make your relationship function or not)? What's your split look like on each of these? Do you feel okay with it or does it feel unfair or unbalanced in some way?
Great idea and questions. I suggest changing “Has either one of you ever cheated?” To “Has either one of you ever had extramarital sex or an extramarital relationship?” The concept of cheating rubs me the wrong way.
I’m married with kids. I may even journal with these question on my own… it may bring up some insights.
I love this! I remember how upset people were over Heather's book! I felt the same way recently with Mary Catherine Starr's Division of Labor. She writes pretty honestly about her husband (with his permission & with a heavy dose of humor), and it really rubs some people the wrong way.
I might ask more about how having kids has impacted their relationship. And money, LOL. You know I want to know about the money! Maybe "Is money a source of tension in your marriage? Why or why not?" Also, you might want to ask specifics about what they love/hate about their spouse. I feel like everyone has that one thing their spouse does that makes them want to murder them.
Yes, I love Mary Catherine Starr's work and she often gets a lot of negative feedback: "how does your husband feel about it?" ick. Of course you want more about money. I assume that money is always a source of tension in a marriage, but I added that layer. And yes, great idea about one thing they love and one thing they hate.
"What did you not consider when you decided to get married but which (in hindsight) you should really have thought about? And vice versa, what did you consider when making your decision which has subsequently turned out to be relatively unimportant?"
Love it! added
I think you've largely covered this in some questions, but it might be helpful to ask directly: How do you allocate compensated or financial labor (i.e. money you each bring in from entities outside the home for employment or other income), domestic labor (i.e. caregiving tasks, cooking, cleaning, child and/or elder care, etc), administrative labor (i.e. the mental load of managing all the tasks and noticing various things, staying on top of the various administrative pieces the household needs to run), and relational labor (i.e. the interpersonal dynamics between you and your partner that make your relationship function or not)? What's your split look like on each of these? Do you feel okay with it or does it feel unfair or unbalanced in some way?
Thank you. This is a great question.
Great idea and questions. I suggest changing “Has either one of you ever cheated?” To “Has either one of you ever had extramarital sex or an extramarital relationship?” The concept of cheating rubs me the wrong way.
Thank you. That is a good point. Done.
Thanks! Also for your consideration, add postnup to your prenup question. That’s what we drafted up after getting married, but before kids.