Just read through your intro and all I can say is me too. As soon as I stopped valuing my fertility (eg. having kids), sex and physical intimacy is one of my last priorities.
One of the problems is that people have been waiting almost to middle age to get married. I’ve done a whole slew of research on it and written books about it.
And that is your experience. I deal in statistics. The divorce rates have risen in an almost identical curve to the average age at which people get married. That's not what conventional wisdom would suggest. Look at celebrity marriages. Almost always in advanced years (30+) and on paper everything seems to be in order to suggest that the marriage should work - no financial stress, stable careers, etc.....
Not my experience, but I've seen with others. Couple hits a dry patch in their 30's, almost no sex. Then early 40's all of a sudden the wife starts really having lots of sex with the husband. Guy is dumbfounded, confused, but rather than question things he accepts that he finally got lucky and brags about his wife to all his friends. 6 months later divorce, she was fooling around the whole time and had sex with him out of guilt or to keep him from finding out.
So yeah, if she suddenly wants lots of sex, start asking questions.
How many instances of this have you really seen? Also women do hit a point in their 40's when they are ready for transformation and that manifests in many different ways.
3 personally, and I've heard of others. Anecdotal? Definitely. Good advice? Maybe. One thing I've seen in almost everyone who's willing to talk about it is that it's the woman who decides how much sex occurs in marriage, and it is always less than what the man wants.
It isn't always. Again, I polled people to fill out a questionnaire about their marriage and a number of wives wanted more sex than their husbands. I do think sexual incompatibility and changing sex drives lead to conflict in marriage. But it isn't always that wives want less. And as noted, sometimes it is about whether the sex is actually sex worth having.
Wow, ok those that feel that way should tell their husbands to read what you wrote here, and what you believe in written here. Married 40 years, a male.
I think it is tricky to voice these opinions. It depends on the state of your relationship and your spouse. Some men might be able to handle the truth or make it personal, which is sometimes just isn't.
I have discovered the other side of substack
Just read through your intro and all I can say is me too. As soon as I stopped valuing my fertility (eg. having kids), sex and physical intimacy is one of my last priorities.
One of the problems is that people have been waiting almost to middle age to get married. I’ve done a whole slew of research on it and written books about it.
How does waiting impact things? I got married at 28 and experienced many of the same things women did in the post above.
And that is your experience. I deal in statistics. The divorce rates have risen in an almost identical curve to the average age at which people get married. That's not what conventional wisdom would suggest. Look at celebrity marriages. Almost always in advanced years (30+) and on paper everything seems to be in order to suggest that the marriage should work - no financial stress, stable careers, etc.....
Not my experience, but I've seen with others. Couple hits a dry patch in their 30's, almost no sex. Then early 40's all of a sudden the wife starts really having lots of sex with the husband. Guy is dumbfounded, confused, but rather than question things he accepts that he finally got lucky and brags about his wife to all his friends. 6 months later divorce, she was fooling around the whole time and had sex with him out of guilt or to keep him from finding out.
So yeah, if she suddenly wants lots of sex, start asking questions.
How many instances of this have you really seen? Also women do hit a point in their 40's when they are ready for transformation and that manifests in many different ways.
3 personally, and I've heard of others. Anecdotal? Definitely. Good advice? Maybe. One thing I've seen in almost everyone who's willing to talk about it is that it's the woman who decides how much sex occurs in marriage, and it is always less than what the man wants.
It isn't always. Again, I polled people to fill out a questionnaire about their marriage and a number of wives wanted more sex than their husbands. I do think sexual incompatibility and changing sex drives lead to conflict in marriage. But it isn't always that wives want less. And as noted, sometimes it is about whether the sex is actually sex worth having.
Wow, ok those that feel that way should tell their husbands to read what you wrote here, and what you believe in written here. Married 40 years, a male.
I think it is tricky to voice these opinions. It depends on the state of your relationship and your spouse. Some men might be able to handle the truth or make it personal, which is sometimes just isn't.