"Now, is it separate property, because he started it before we were married and all of the labor he did to build it was his? Or is it community property because he was able to build said company on the back of my unpaid labor at home?" Your entire article just enraged me. We wives are NEEDED, but not really seen as equal overall. So much historical, epigenetic, cultural misogyny. Makes me want to burn things down.
I’ve been very interested in creative women who have been erased as well. Seeking out books about long forgotten women. Of course, as you pointed out, this isn’t at all historical. I’ve been reflecting about silence and self-censorship lately. The types of it, the whys and hows. This post just gives me another layer to think through as I develop my thoughts.
I had to "school" a paralegal how *not* to erase me during a house purchase for me and my husband. I told them, politely, never again to write "Mr & Mrs (husband first & last name) on any documents relating to our purchase. Told them to write out both first names. I mean, I owned the home when we married 30+ yrs ago. I will NOT be erased.
Loved the article. Eyes are always welled up with tears to think about how women who support more than half the sky are erased through history by men, not given due credit, disrespected, exploited and abused. A sadder part is some women like from my home country internalize this misogyny and abuse, and instead of fighting against it consider it their duty to serve. I am so happy when you point out and raise voice against this crap and injustice.
This was a wonderful piece- I hope I can get to Wifedom soon (I escaped my own wifedom several years ago). I've also been wanting to read Francoise Gilot's Life With Picasso about her experiences with her 40-years-older lover.
This book is now on TBR list. I've read The Wife but this seems to go deeper in so many ways. Appreciated your take on it from your own experience of having a career subsumed by a man's needs and his expectations (or society's expectations of what we women should do).
Thank you for writing this. I felt so seen throughout. Especially about “It seems to be the work of this generation of mothers to build a new model for marriage and motherhood.” The work to communicate our need for change to our husbands, our children, and to all of society around us.
"Now, is it separate property, because he started it before we were married and all of the labor he did to build it was his? Or is it community property because he was able to build said company on the back of my unpaid labor at home?" Your entire article just enraged me. We wives are NEEDED, but not really seen as equal overall. So much historical, epigenetic, cultural misogyny. Makes me want to burn things down.
"Now, is it separate property, because he started it before we were married and all of the labor he did to build it was his? Or is it community property because he was able to build said company on the back of my unpaid labor at home?" Your entire article just enraged me. We wives are NEEDED, but not really seen as equal overall. So much historical, epigenetic, cultural misogyny. Makes me want to burn things down.
This part resonated with me too! So much erasure in the idea of a man’s separate property. Great piece, Cindy!
I’ve been very interested in creative women who have been erased as well. Seeking out books about long forgotten women. Of course, as you pointed out, this isn’t at all historical. I’ve been reflecting about silence and self-censorship lately. The types of it, the whys and hows. This post just gives me another layer to think through as I develop my thoughts.
Katie, have you read "Silences," by Tillie Olson? Quintessential.
Not yet. But thanks for reminding me to not let it languish too long on my want to read list!
I had to "school" a paralegal how *not* to erase me during a house purchase for me and my husband. I told them, politely, never again to write "Mr & Mrs (husband first & last name) on any documents relating to our purchase. Told them to write out both first names. I mean, I owned the home when we married 30+ yrs ago. I will NOT be erased.
Loved the article. Eyes are always welled up with tears to think about how women who support more than half the sky are erased through history by men, not given due credit, disrespected, exploited and abused. A sadder part is some women like from my home country internalize this misogyny and abuse, and instead of fighting against it consider it their duty to serve. I am so happy when you point out and raise voice against this crap and injustice.
This was a wonderful piece- I hope I can get to Wifedom soon (I escaped my own wifedom several years ago). I've also been wanting to read Francoise Gilot's Life With Picasso about her experiences with her 40-years-older lover.
This book is now on TBR list. I've read The Wife but this seems to go deeper in so many ways. Appreciated your take on it from your own experience of having a career subsumed by a man's needs and his expectations (or society's expectations of what we women should do).
Thank you for writing this. I felt so seen throughout. Especially about “It seems to be the work of this generation of mothers to build a new model for marriage and motherhood.” The work to communicate our need for change to our husbands, our children, and to all of society around us.
"Now, is it separate property, because he started it before we were married and all of the labor he did to build it was his? Or is it community property because he was able to build said company on the back of my unpaid labor at home?" Your entire article just enraged me. We wives are NEEDED, but not really seen as equal overall. So much historical, epigenetic, cultural misogyny. Makes me want to burn things down.