I have been a Christian as long as I can remember, and my parents actively discouraged me from listening to some of the instructions from youth directors over the years about only dating people you could see yourself married to- my mom thought it was a good idea to date to find out what you wanted and not just assume you would marry your first love.
My parents started dating in high school and made it through the long distance relationship issues of going to colleges that were hours apart before they got married when my mom was 23 and my dad was 21 (their anniversary is in May so they got married right after he graduated from college).
I didn’t date in college because Duke had more of a hookup culture, and I wasn’t interested in that, but after I graduated, I had a boyfriend that I knew wouldn’t last, but it gave me an idea of what was important to me even though our relationship was brief.
I was on Match when I met my husband a year later (2011) after moving for grad school. I had dated a few other people on Match, but one was seeing a lot of other people, and the other had wanted me to see just him after only a few dates so he wasn’t interested in seeing me anymore if I wasn’t ready to commit, so my husband and I started exclusively dating within a couple weeks of meeting. I didn’t really move in with him until we got married, but I could only find a summer job closer to his house than to my apartment, so I was basically there the majority of the time summer of 2012 and 2013, and we got married August of 2013. We had very opposite schedules both of those summers though where he worked at night often, so I didn’t necessarily feel like I got the best idea of what it was really like to live together until we were married. I tend to advise people that I think they should live together because it was a big adjustment for us. When I was in school I usually only saw him one day during the week and spent weekends with him because my school schedule was so busy, so it was very different once I had graduated, especially since I only worked part time that first year we were married.
I am very conscious of the messages my daughter receives about marriage already- she is 6 and loves weddings and is excited to go to my coworker’s wedding in August with us (this coworker was her teacher when she was 4). I have already started talking to her about the importance of really understanding what you want and also taking time to get to know the person you are dating on a deep level.
This was incredible. I can relate so much - emphasis on marriage, suffering as a virtue, purity culture.
I’m so glad it resonated. I feel like it doesn’t get talked about enough!
So relatable. Nondominational. Got married at 20…was not in love…I was in trauma.
8 kids later, 38 years of homeschooling … @63, I’m finally finding my own selfhood.
I have been a Christian as long as I can remember, and my parents actively discouraged me from listening to some of the instructions from youth directors over the years about only dating people you could see yourself married to- my mom thought it was a good idea to date to find out what you wanted and not just assume you would marry your first love.
My parents started dating in high school and made it through the long distance relationship issues of going to colleges that were hours apart before they got married when my mom was 23 and my dad was 21 (their anniversary is in May so they got married right after he graduated from college).
I didn’t date in college because Duke had more of a hookup culture, and I wasn’t interested in that, but after I graduated, I had a boyfriend that I knew wouldn’t last, but it gave me an idea of what was important to me even though our relationship was brief.
I was on Match when I met my husband a year later (2011) after moving for grad school. I had dated a few other people on Match, but one was seeing a lot of other people, and the other had wanted me to see just him after only a few dates so he wasn’t interested in seeing me anymore if I wasn’t ready to commit, so my husband and I started exclusively dating within a couple weeks of meeting. I didn’t really move in with him until we got married, but I could only find a summer job closer to his house than to my apartment, so I was basically there the majority of the time summer of 2012 and 2013, and we got married August of 2013. We had very opposite schedules both of those summers though where he worked at night often, so I didn’t necessarily feel like I got the best idea of what it was really like to live together until we were married. I tend to advise people that I think they should live together because it was a big adjustment for us. When I was in school I usually only saw him one day during the week and spent weekends with him because my school schedule was so busy, so it was very different once I had graduated, especially since I only worked part time that first year we were married.
I am very conscious of the messages my daughter receives about marriage already- she is 6 and loves weddings and is excited to go to my coworker’s wedding in August with us (this coworker was her teacher when she was 4). I have already started talking to her about the importance of really understanding what you want and also taking time to get to know the person you are dating on a deep level.
Great discussion!
I LOVE this whole discussion with you and Gemma! And can't wait to discuss prenups and postnups with you tomorrow :)