The Problem with Part-Time Work
aka downshifting when you become a mom
It seems like the most obvious solution. Rather than stay in full-time work as a mother, women downshift their careers. They shift to part-time work, or flexible work, which often means freelance work, so their family does not require full time childcare, a significant annual cost that often supersedes that of your mortgage, and in Tennessee, has surpassed the cost of college.
Don’t worry, mom still works! She still brings in a paycheck, is able to avoid the dreaded gap in her resume! But she can accommodate the 2:35 school pick up schedule, shuttle her kids to dance class, get dinner started before kids start melting down at exactly 5:27PM.
Some women take this “opportunity” to become entrepreneurs, starting businesses they never would have had the chance to launch while working for someone else. I’m not saying there aren’t occasional benefits to this arrangement.
However.
And this is a big however.
Very rarely does that work remain part-time. If she is successful in her endeavor, she takes on more and more projects, not just for the money, but for the prestige, for the opportunity, because she is building a business. But her caregiving responsibilities remain the same. The arrangement in her household was that she would have the more flexible career so the other parent could work unheeded. So despite the fact that her work has now crept into full-time, she still finds herself shouldering the childcare, the household management, the mental load.
It is hard to argue for otherwise. Because, this was always the plan. She would be the default parent and keep her work going the best she could. The other parent gets to focus on their career. If she wants to change the terms, she can’t ask more from them. She’s got to hire someone else to pick up HER slack.
Do you see the insidious problem with this setup?
Yes, when mothers shift to freelance, they are sealing their fate as the default parent and that shit is hard to renegotiate.
Some mothers might be able to see their overflowing plate, find a suitable child care provider, handle their children’s upset that they will no longer be the one at every school pick up and play date, and reset the terms. Go back to working full-time. Problem solved.
But even then, I imagine they still remain the holder of all the cards (yes, I am talking about Fair Play cards, even though only metaphorically). They have been the one handling doctor’s appointments, school forms, the endless birthday gifts, new clothing, and they keep doing all the things, despite the fact that both parents now work full time.
This defaulting can happen even for mothers who stay in the full-time workforce, because of maternity leave (I’ve written about this here, that maternity leave is when the dynamic begins). But they at least have a chance of arguing for a more equitable divide because neither parent leaves the workforce.
Alas:
When I was married and worked “part-time,” I convinced myself I had the best of both worlds. I had a fulfilling career AND was always around for my children! Despite quitting my dream job, I built up a freelance business and ultimately transitioned to an entirely new job, ghostwriting books, which was more lucrative than my measly full-time publishing salary in just a few years and again I was “only working part-time!” But I wasn’t really working part-time, I was pretending to work part-time while taking on a full-time workload, being the default parent, volunteering at the school, and yes, driving myself insane.
In addition, when we downshift, we put ourselves in a financially precarious situation. We lose our health insurance, our access to a 401k, we impact our future social security. Additionally, when you become a 1099 employee versus a W2 employee, this shit impacts your financial life down the road. Try qualifying for a mortgage as a 1099 employee. Not only is income often unstable, we have been primed to write off as many business expenses as possible to lower our tax liability but this impacts the “income” available to qualify for a loan.
As I mention in this post about The Motherhood Penalty, it is a sacrifice to make yourself financially dependent on someone else. It may not feel like a sacrifice until you embark upon divorce.
ICYMI:
There aren’t a lot of solutions other than the part-time shuffle given the lack of affordable childcare. But I want us to stop pretending that flexible work or part-time work is without its challenges. Even this “middle road” solution comes with some real costs. And things will get even worse with the post-pandemic “return to office” mandates.
Are you a fellow mom who shifted to part-time work? Do you find yourself in a similar dilemma, holding all the cards, taking on full-time work with only part-time hours? Tell me how you’ve managed in your household in the comments below!
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GOING DEEPER:
This week, I was interviewed on two different podcasts:
On Divorce Doesn’t Suck with Wendy Sloane, I get personal about my own divorce process, how writing in this space helped me be able to name my own unhappiness, and why women aren’t taught how to leave.
On As Told To with fellow ghostwriter Daniel Paisner, I talk for the first time about my career as a ghostwriter, including how I got into it, why I’m particularly adept at it, and how I’m learning to slowly get back into it while continuing my own writing.
Yes. My full time remote position just got downgraded to part time consulting. I’m a mother of 2 and can’t make it work without full time pay to cover their childcare. I never knew stepping into motherhood was stepping into the US society’s abuse of women’s time and energy.
Yes, you’re describing my life. I really wish I could clock into a 9-5 and only have that to worry about. Instead, I’m constantly juggling every aspect of work and family life from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed.
It was the biggest bummer of a bait-and-switch to realize that while I’d been encouraged to “have it all” and “spend time with my kids,” I was permanently crippling myself in terms of financial and career growth. And to realize that it’s taboo to talk about that, as if you’re a shitty mom for worrying about your own financial welfare. Because moms are cherubically sacrificial.
WHY DOES SOCIETY SHIT ON WOMEN AND EXPECT US TO SMILE?