12 Comments

I am liking this but am conflicted with how I feel about it. Ultimately, I think, this infantalizing of men is one small part of the picture and conversations that can be had.

Other factors I thought of are: people marry into familiar patterns; people grow when in a relationship then get resentful of the patterns they married into; there is no one who is going to read a person's mind or always have the same ideas as to what would constitute romance/fun/care; effective communication can solve a lot.

And, for the record, this piece helped me remember how damn lucky I got with my husband. I followed familiar patterns but got lucky. Phew.

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https://www.linkedin.com/in/jillbakercfa/

I accept your apology.

And I'm sorry your experience with your ex-husband makes my perspective triggering for you. That must be hard and I wish you well.

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Couldn't agree more that both spouses should be presumed to be equally competent / responsible for all aspects of their lives together until/unless they mutually agree to share that responsibility differently. *Presuming* an imbalance simply due to traditional gender roles is inherently unfair ... a "weaponized helplessness" as you so aptly described it.

I'm sure you are similarly principled in refusing spousal support from your ex-husband.

Because being paid an allowance just to get the exact lifestyle you've come to expect ... well, that would be an infantilization as you have defined it:

- Being treated as a dependent, as though one can't be expected to take on full responsibility for all that being an adult entails

- Feeling entitled to an uneven distribution of responsibility just because they've grown accustomed to it (like expecting a wife to cook for a husband just because his mother did)

Curious to hear if you are in agreement with that.

And if not, how you reconcile treating those two things differently.

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Yep! And Bandit from Bluey totally reinforces this stereotype of the hopeless dad -- granted he is quite hands on as a dad but still the mum is the hero that gets everything done. My husband was actually the one to point this out to his parents.

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