Cindy, what a thoughtful piece! So much to think about here. This part especially stopped me: "No. I don’t want to ask. I want you to provide the same kind of consideration and care I do all the damn time." How many times did that thought cross my mind in the 33 years of my marriage and child raising with an ex who left far too much up to me--and yes, in that care-codependency dance, I LET him. For far too long. Thank you for describing this experience so many women share.
YES the scanning!! “it is sometimes the anticipation that makes one feel care for. “
The times when I have felt myself coming unraveled or unhinged in the last while is when it was my turn to be scanned or cared for, Bc of a medical procedure or a birthday, but there was no reciprocity. It’s dehumanizing, tbh!
Ooof this part: “True care is that extra step, that soft cushion of concern that someone was thinking about you in advance and took steps to ensure your comfort.” Especially since I lost my mom 3 years ago, I crave this true care.
I’m obsessed w All Fours. I think this phenomenon affects all women. I don’t have children but I still felt responsible for everything and everyone in my family and the world at large and also to fit into some messed up idea of what a woman is that kept me pushing against the edges of a tiny box. Mothers have it much harder no doubt—idk how you do it.
Such a thoughtful piece! Thank you. When my now ex- husband would wonder why I was so tired and irritated, I would tell him I have a milion things to keep track of and you have one. Yet here we are you asking me why there's no milk in the fridge.
Cindy, what a thoughtful piece! So much to think about here. This part especially stopped me: "No. I don’t want to ask. I want you to provide the same kind of consideration and care I do all the damn time." How many times did that thought cross my mind in the 33 years of my marriage and child raising with an ex who left far too much up to me--and yes, in that care-codependency dance, I LET him. For far too long. Thank you for describing this experience so many women share.
YES the scanning!! “it is sometimes the anticipation that makes one feel care for. “
The times when I have felt myself coming unraveled or unhinged in the last while is when it was my turn to be scanned or cared for, Bc of a medical procedure or a birthday, but there was no reciprocity. It’s dehumanizing, tbh!
And thank youuuu for mentioning the book club!
Ooof this part: “True care is that extra step, that soft cushion of concern that someone was thinking about you in advance and took steps to ensure your comfort.” Especially since I lost my mom 3 years ago, I crave this true care.
Yes! This kind of care is so lovely. We don't have to have it all the time, but sometimes it is really nice. I'm sorry about the loss of your mom.
I’m obsessed w All Fours. I think this phenomenon affects all women. I don’t have children but I still felt responsible for everything and everyone in my family and the world at large and also to fit into some messed up idea of what a woman is that kept me pushing against the edges of a tiny box. Mothers have it much harder no doubt—idk how you do it.
Such a thoughtful piece! Thank you. When my now ex- husband would wonder why I was so tired and irritated, I would tell him I have a milion things to keep track of and you have one. Yet here we are you asking me why there's no milk in the fridge.
When that infrastructure is missing - whew. Love how you articulated this.