My Favorite 15
an end of year compendium of essays from The Mother Lode
To wrap up this year, I thought I’d share my favorite posts from The Mother Lode. This is hard to do. I put so much thought and love and heart into each of my essays; they all hold a special place in my heart. I have now posted 154 essays on The Mother Lode over the last four years. Of those 154, 44 were for paid subscribers (in case you haven’t yet been persuaded to join the cohort financially supporting this space). I am so grateful to each of the women who opened up in The Divorce Diaries as well as my conversation partners. But the list below includes solo essays, posts where I felt I did some of my bravest writing. Note that I did not choose either of my most popular posts (yes, Fair Play and Sex Is Not Your Duty are still holding those top two spots). I’m so glad those have been widely read, but these are the thoughts of which I am most proud. Where I was pushing boundaries or also really interrogating my own evolution.
Only two of the below are paywalled. They are about my first foray into the post-divorce dating world, and the subsequent devastating breakup. Oof, I really put my heart out there, both with him, and on the page.
In no particular order:
MDMA Therapy Helped Me Leave My Marriage
Despite how confessional some of my writing may appear, I think we all know how much is left out. Some of this is intentional, to protect myself and my family and because I do not owe anybody everyth…
Mothering on My Own
Lately I’ve been thinking about how much easier it is to mother now that I am no longer partnered. It doesn’t really make sense (except for the part where I don’t have my children for 50% of the time…
I'm the Decider
I remember reading the parenting book Bringing Up Bébé when my daughter was a toddler. A book by American journalist Pamela Druckerman, who lived and raised her children in France, she exposed the gr…
Wifedom
I read Wifedom by Anna Funder toward the end of last year and it became one of my favorite books from 2023. I remember reading the review in The New York Times back when it was released in August and…
Divorced from Desire
I was watching “The Lost Daughter” this summer, the movie based on the book by Elena Ferrante about a mother who dares to do the impossible and leave her young children. Leda eventually returns to th…
In Praise of Becoming Unhinged
I have a new book I’m an evangelist for. In case you are wondering about my past favorites, they include Nightbitch by Rachel Yoder and Fleishman Is in Trouble by Taffy Brodesser-Akner. And interesti…
How to Leave
As I’ve mentioned in a number of posts, no one teaches women how to leave. Once we are married, we are supposed to put in the work, suck it up, sacrifice, accommodate, do anything and everything to p…
Is This the End of Marriage?
While I was on vacation a couple weeks ago, I read the highly anticipated novel from Sarah Manguso, Liars. I have read and loved Sarah’s work before (Ongoingness). The description signaled it was goi…
Are We Really Splitting Up Over Chores?
My post about how our Fair Play discussion signaled the end of my marriage is my most popular post, by far. It has also brought me the most vitriol. People calling me a narcissist, or a privileged wh…
When Couples Therapy Turns Cruel
I first broached the concept of the destructiveness of couples therapy in a conversation with Kate Hamilton about her book Mad Wife. In an interview with Gemma Hartley, she said couples therapy can be abusive bec…
Rediscovering Desire
Two years ago I wrote my second post to go viral, Sex Is Not Your Duty. It talked about the pressure wives feel to have sex even when they don’t want to as part of marital maintenance. The post now has almost 90k views. It went viral due to misogynists hating it.
Men Don't End Relationships
As I enter more fully into the dating world, you’ll find that posts about my dating life, for the most part, will be paywalled. This is a particularly vulnerable topic and thus I want to protect myself and my partner(s). Please note that while these posts are about dating, they are really about my heart. What it feels like to open it back up. How I’m growing into a woman who stands up for herself. So whether you find yourself dating or not, there is much within these missives that I hope will be relatable.
Redefining Sex for the Next Generation
Last summer, I read an interview with Ruby Warrington, author of Women Without Kids. In her book, she unpacks how we can make room in our society for the choice some women make not to procreate. She’s even positin…
I’m so grateful for this space, for my growth as a writer and woman, and for those of you who have decided to join me for the ride. Looking forward to more growth, change, and transition in the new year.