As a young woman in her early 20’s, I find the discourse on motherhood and how much everyone is finally pulling back the curtain fascinating. I saw the strain and struggle in my own mother due to an absent paternal partner, and as I grow older I’ve been trying to figure out how to best navigate the institution of marriage and motherhood through the generations ahead of me, heeding their warnings and absorbing their hard-learned lessons.
This part rang loud and true for me:
“ …I just hear a woman desperate for help and society has told her she cannot get it from her spouse. And that is the part I want to fight against. We should not be told to let it go. We should be told that we deserve more from a partnership.“
Thank you for this article. It was illuminating ❤️
This resonates with me. I found the Michelle Obama clip to be distressing. Maybe esp bc I want to keep thinking Barack is a wonderful partner and father, and this reveals that he was kinda shitty! But also, what the hell are you talking about Michelle? Of COURSE you should leave a one-sided partnership that doesn’t change for a decade and makes you boil w resentment. I did, and I’m grateful every day. Of course not everyone can afford to, which is part of the trap.
Yes, agreed, I cannot believe the divorce industrial complex. It is so unreachable for so many and it leaves many feeling trapped and without resources to split or choose something different. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
So good. So chillingly good. Just hits so deeply and so hard. Like the moment your therapists stops coddling you and keeps it real for a moment.
But what’s so interesting here is there’s the physical work and autonomy, but we rarely touch on the emotional load of a family, managing the trauma you might experience, working to improve things between partners that falls almost exclusively on the woman. How many women are in therapy for both people. So it’s dishes and appointments and night wakes, but it’s also like, conflict resolution and regulation.
Isn’t Michelle Obama’s advice practical? If you are in a one-sided marriage, shouldn’t you focus on your other relationships, as that is your support network once you get divorced? Why wait on building the life you want?
As a young woman in her early 20’s, I find the discourse on motherhood and how much everyone is finally pulling back the curtain fascinating. I saw the strain and struggle in my own mother due to an absent paternal partner, and as I grow older I’ve been trying to figure out how to best navigate the institution of marriage and motherhood through the generations ahead of me, heeding their warnings and absorbing their hard-learned lessons.
This part rang loud and true for me:
“ …I just hear a woman desperate for help and society has told her she cannot get it from her spouse. And that is the part I want to fight against. We should not be told to let it go. We should be told that we deserve more from a partnership.“
Thank you for this article. It was illuminating ❤️
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I'm so glad it resonated.
This resonates with me. I found the Michelle Obama clip to be distressing. Maybe esp bc I want to keep thinking Barack is a wonderful partner and father, and this reveals that he was kinda shitty! But also, what the hell are you talking about Michelle? Of COURSE you should leave a one-sided partnership that doesn’t change for a decade and makes you boil w resentment. I did, and I’m grateful every day. Of course not everyone can afford to, which is part of the trap.
Yes, agreed, I cannot believe the divorce industrial complex. It is so unreachable for so many and it leaves many feeling trapped and without resources to split or choose something different. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
So true. I did not have children at the time, and I shudder to think what it would have been like if I did--or if I could have done it at all.
So good. So chillingly good. Just hits so deeply and so hard. Like the moment your therapists stops coddling you and keeps it real for a moment.
But what’s so interesting here is there’s the physical work and autonomy, but we rarely touch on the emotional load of a family, managing the trauma you might experience, working to improve things between partners that falls almost exclusively on the woman. How many women are in therapy for both people. So it’s dishes and appointments and night wakes, but it’s also like, conflict resolution and regulation.
Isn’t Michelle Obama’s advice practical? If you are in a one-sided marriage, shouldn’t you focus on your other relationships, as that is your support network once you get divorced? Why wait on building the life you want?