Thank you Eve and Cindy! I love the idea of bringing the Fair Play cards into the divorce discussion. Oftentimes the non-default parent has no idea how much time and energy all these things take. And it’s crazy-making to be going through a divorce, being told you didn’t “work” as much as them, because so much of your work was invisible. It’s so helpful to have the concepts of Fair Play, and the visuals of the cards... and if I go to court I’ll be bringing them with me!
My goodness, there is so much good stuff in here. I don't even know how to capture my thoughts in a comment. But I've been thinking about this a lot... my husband and I are now co-parenting from separate places Tues - Fri, and I honestly can't tell if my mental load is lighter or heavier. The delegation piece can get so tiring that it feels lighter, but of course, that's not really equity. The other thing that gnaws at me is that even just reading Fair Play, trying to convince my husband to read it (so far unsuccessfully), and doing the card exercise is its own form of emotional labor. I wrote a story a while back called "Explaining Emotional Labor to My Husband Takes Too Much Emotional Labor." When the burden is on us to even just convince our partners (or ex-partners, as the case may be) that emotional labor exists, it's one more friggin' thing to do!
Thank you Eve and Cindy! I love the idea of bringing the Fair Play cards into the divorce discussion. Oftentimes the non-default parent has no idea how much time and energy all these things take. And it’s crazy-making to be going through a divorce, being told you didn’t “work” as much as them, because so much of your work was invisible. It’s so helpful to have the concepts of Fair Play, and the visuals of the cards... and if I go to court I’ll be bringing them with me!
My goodness, there is so much good stuff in here. I don't even know how to capture my thoughts in a comment. But I've been thinking about this a lot... my husband and I are now co-parenting from separate places Tues - Fri, and I honestly can't tell if my mental load is lighter or heavier. The delegation piece can get so tiring that it feels lighter, but of course, that's not really equity. The other thing that gnaws at me is that even just reading Fair Play, trying to convince my husband to read it (so far unsuccessfully), and doing the card exercise is its own form of emotional labor. I wrote a story a while back called "Explaining Emotional Labor to My Husband Takes Too Much Emotional Labor." When the burden is on us to even just convince our partners (or ex-partners, as the case may be) that emotional labor exists, it's one more friggin' thing to do!
Cindy! I met you at AWP and didn't realize this was you. I'm so glad I met you! Big fan of your work!