“…and the only reason why I don’t want “my person” is I’ve never really had one.”
This is what I have wondered. I love the way you hold this loosely and giving room for future you to want different things without it meaning the now isn’t worthy of being true.
This was great, Cindy! I think I am about ready to dip my toes into dating, now that my divorce has been final a year, and I moved out 17 months ago. It's not really that I've set a timeframe; like you, it hasn't been top of mind. I get connection in all the ways you do as well and am so grateful for it. But I'm curious. And open. (And god, I miss the physical intimacy). It seems like the dating apps are my only choice, although I've spread the word to friends I am open to matchmaking. So my fourth "D" in Living in 3D may soon materialize. You inspire me by going out on your coffee date. I hope it proves to be enjoyable. Thanks for writing so honestly and thoughtfully on this topic of dating after divorce.
Um, ditto! I’m 54, and told my husband I wanted a divorce a year and a half ago. I’ve been wanting to go on a date recently as in, go to a coffeehouse and talk about books with someone other than my girlfriends and writer friends. Feels terrifying. I’ll wait and see how your coffee date goes 🙂Thank you for your wonderful post.
I know I'm not alone with the fear. But I will tell you, it was good. Mainly to rip off the bandaid, and also, honestly, to be like.... I'm a catch! I'm interesting and fun, and funny, and people like me (sounding like Sally Field here). It made me think that I will keep seeking opportunities to connect with others. Probably not getting on the apps anytime soon, but will keep my eyes open. Still feeling really expansive and excited about what the future holds.
Every word of this resonates--left my marriage in my late 50s after 25 years. It's been almost ten years and it took me a while to wake ALL the way up to the fact that I don't need or want a "person" in the form of a monogamous relationship. I kept totally to myself for the first year and a half. Then mindlessly entered a mercifully short, disastrous (similar to my marriage) relationship. Also had a years long, extremely healing sexual friendship which allowed me to separate sex from "the one". Now happily alone and not interested in looking. What I do seek occasionally is companionship (also an introvert), and I just find my woman friends far more interesting companions.
That long healing sexual friendship sounds pretty wonderful! And yes, to my woman friends being far more interesting companions! It sounds like you have carved out a way of life that works for you. I am all about us carving our own paths instead of what society (and patriarchy) prescribes.
Reading this I feel like I could sense you shedding so much and reclaiming so much. Doing all this in the way that suits you right now in this moment. It’s an overused statement these days but I mean it from my core, I love this for you.
“…and the only reason why I don’t want “my person” is I’ve never really had one.”
This is what I have wondered. I love the way you hold this loosely and giving room for future you to want different things without it meaning the now isn’t worthy of being true.
This was great, Cindy! I think I am about ready to dip my toes into dating, now that my divorce has been final a year, and I moved out 17 months ago. It's not really that I've set a timeframe; like you, it hasn't been top of mind. I get connection in all the ways you do as well and am so grateful for it. But I'm curious. And open. (And god, I miss the physical intimacy). It seems like the dating apps are my only choice, although I've spread the word to friends I am open to matchmaking. So my fourth "D" in Living in 3D may soon materialize. You inspire me by going out on your coffee date. I hope it proves to be enjoyable. Thanks for writing so honestly and thoughtfully on this topic of dating after divorce.
Um, ditto! I’m 54, and told my husband I wanted a divorce a year and a half ago. I’ve been wanting to go on a date recently as in, go to a coffeehouse and talk about books with someone other than my girlfriends and writer friends. Feels terrifying. I’ll wait and see how your coffee date goes 🙂Thank you for your wonderful post.
I know I'm not alone with the fear. But I will tell you, it was good. Mainly to rip off the bandaid, and also, honestly, to be like.... I'm a catch! I'm interesting and fun, and funny, and people like me (sounding like Sally Field here). It made me think that I will keep seeking opportunities to connect with others. Probably not getting on the apps anytime soon, but will keep my eyes open. Still feeling really expansive and excited about what the future holds.
I can't wait to hear about that cup of coffee.
You know I'll give you an update. :)
Every word of this resonates--left my marriage in my late 50s after 25 years. It's been almost ten years and it took me a while to wake ALL the way up to the fact that I don't need or want a "person" in the form of a monogamous relationship. I kept totally to myself for the first year and a half. Then mindlessly entered a mercifully short, disastrous (similar to my marriage) relationship. Also had a years long, extremely healing sexual friendship which allowed me to separate sex from "the one". Now happily alone and not interested in looking. What I do seek occasionally is companionship (also an introvert), and I just find my woman friends far more interesting companions.
That long healing sexual friendship sounds pretty wonderful! And yes, to my woman friends being far more interesting companions! It sounds like you have carved out a way of life that works for you. I am all about us carving our own paths instead of what society (and patriarchy) prescribes.
Reading this I feel like I could sense you shedding so much and reclaiming so much. Doing all this in the way that suits you right now in this moment. It’s an overused statement these days but I mean it from my core, I love this for you.
Thank you. That means so much. I love it for me too!