On Fridays, I invite paying subscribers to enter the fray. I’ll ask a question related to my post that week and ask for input, opinions, additional ideas. Stemming from my post this week about saying No to the PTA, I’m interested in what kind of volunteering you find rewarding and enjoyable and what kind makes you want to pull your hair out. I had a mother implore after reading my post that not all jobs take so much time, that a shift at the book fair or a field trip is always rewarding. But I know for me, chaperoning the field trip felt like the ninth circle of hell. I took an entire day off work to essentially be a babysitter for other people’s kids? Instead of taking a day off work to do something that might restore me so that I could be a better mother, wife, writer? This is the tension, I think. We must value our time and use it in the ways that make sense for us, as individuals, not just in ways that our society suggests we should.
So tell me: in what ways do you enjoy volunteering for your school? What kind of volunteering do you avoid like the plague?
LOVE: I am on our district’s LGBTQ+ Council. It is a group of teachers, administrators, librarians, and parents working to make our district safer, more equitable, and welcoming for students of all identities.
HATE: And as mentioned, please do not ask me to chaperone the field trip.
Also, this UK Dad Live Tweeted his experience chaperoning a field trip. Please note that while he is lauded for his humor, I wonder what the response would have been if this had been a mother?
I am just starting my school adventure with children and am so grateful to have these voices in my head urging me to ask these questions before I sign up or sign on. Thanks for asking and for these reflections you are sharing!
It’s so true. I am working on finding the balance between what my kids want/need and what I want/need- something I have ignored for a long time in favour of my children/family.
This is a really interesting discussion. The past three years I have been extremely involved in the pta. Involved to the point I wasn’t able to do many other things besides taking care of my family and household. There just wasn’t enough time. At the time, I did find it frustrating sometimes that it was frequently the same small group of parents helping over and over again. I did wish for some more bodies to step in and take some small jobs to alleviate some of the work. Share the load.
This year, I have said “no” a lot. I’ve started my own business and simply don’t have time to do both. I struggle with that sometimes too because I don’t want my kids to miss out, especially after the last year. Even while in my period of saying “no” this year, I ended up coaching my middle school son’s cross country team 3x per week because they were going to cancel the season. It was step
Up or my kid didn’t get to run. (A whole other issue I could go on for hours about- why in the world was each child charged charged $350 to run XC with volunteer coaches that I organized?! I don’t need to be paid but where is that money?!)
I’m blathering on, basically to say that I see two sides to this issue. Stay at home/flexible scheduled parents are definitely exploited, doing free labour. On the flip side, straight up refusing to do any of it means my kids miss out.
This year I am trying to help
Out with things that are important to me- cross country, both of my son’s promotions. Things that aren’t on the top of my list get a “no” this year, which may mean those things don’t happen. Oh well. 🤷♀️
I just found this quote and thought of you, Andrea: "I'm convinced 'I wanted my kids to have fun' will be etched on the vast majority of modern mothers tombstones." - From Kimberly Harrington's book Amateur Hour. She also has a Substack, I think!
Yes, this is the tension...either we step up or the kids do without. I too struggle with that. And yes to the confusion over volunteer coaches and exorbitant fees for activities! I'm so glad you started your own business and agree that that means you HAVE to not be as available to step in with other things.
I am just starting my school adventure with children and am so grateful to have these voices in my head urging me to ask these questions before I sign up or sign on. Thanks for asking and for these reflections you are sharing!
It’s so true. I am working on finding the balance between what my kids want/need and what I want/need- something I have ignored for a long time in favour of my children/family.
This is a really interesting discussion. The past three years I have been extremely involved in the pta. Involved to the point I wasn’t able to do many other things besides taking care of my family and household. There just wasn’t enough time. At the time, I did find it frustrating sometimes that it was frequently the same small group of parents helping over and over again. I did wish for some more bodies to step in and take some small jobs to alleviate some of the work. Share the load.
This year, I have said “no” a lot. I’ve started my own business and simply don’t have time to do both. I struggle with that sometimes too because I don’t want my kids to miss out, especially after the last year. Even while in my period of saying “no” this year, I ended up coaching my middle school son’s cross country team 3x per week because they were going to cancel the season. It was step
Up or my kid didn’t get to run. (A whole other issue I could go on for hours about- why in the world was each child charged charged $350 to run XC with volunteer coaches that I organized?! I don’t need to be paid but where is that money?!)
I’m blathering on, basically to say that I see two sides to this issue. Stay at home/flexible scheduled parents are definitely exploited, doing free labour. On the flip side, straight up refusing to do any of it means my kids miss out.
This year I am trying to help
Out with things that are important to me- cross country, both of my son’s promotions. Things that aren’t on the top of my list get a “no” this year, which may mean those things don’t happen. Oh well. 🤷♀️
I just found this quote and thought of you, Andrea: "I'm convinced 'I wanted my kids to have fun' will be etched on the vast majority of modern mothers tombstones." - From Kimberly Harrington's book Amateur Hour. She also has a Substack, I think!
Yes, this is the tension...either we step up or the kids do without. I too struggle with that. And yes to the confusion over volunteer coaches and exorbitant fees for activities! I'm so glad you started your own business and agree that that means you HAVE to not be as available to step in with other things.