Just for my paying subscribers, this is a chance to engage with the topic of the week. How do you struggle to grant yourself permission? Because what I have often found is that, while sometimes my problem is that others are not granting me permission, often the issue is that I am not granting myself permission. I am the very obstacle I’ve got to overcome, along with the messages in my mind that try to convince me that I don’t need whatever it is that I truly need.
I plan to write a post about Maternal Resentment in the future, but for me, resentment has been a wake up call that someone else has what I want, but I am not allowing myself to have it. Often resentment emerges as a little voice in my head. “Must be nice…” it says. Must be nice to have a nanny. Must be nice to get to take a girls trip. Must be nice to have X, Y, Z.
What do you need to grant yourself permission for? A weekend away? A massage? A new phone (I have a story about that one sometime if you are interested)? A hike with friends? More childcare (just pretend we’re not still in a pandemic)?
Wow, this is so on point! I just read the chapter on resentment in Brene Brown's Atlas of the Heart, and she says Resentment is closely tied to ENVY...
“For years, I assumed that resentment was a form of anger related to my perfectionism. I mostly felt resentful toward people whom I perceived to be not working or sacrificing or grinding or perfecting or advocating as hard as I was...Resentment is a part of envy…I’m not mad because you’re resting. I’m mad because I’m so bone tired and I want to reset. But, unlike you, I’m going to pretend that I don’t need to.” ~Brene Brown
I have gotten better at this over the years. It started with giving myself permission to have childcare when I wasn't working. And then to allow myself to rest and relax IN FRONT OF THE NANNY! I'm now working on allowing myself to buy nice things, even when they aren't on sale. And to watch a TV show during the day while doing nothing (not while multi-tasking). Also, did you know that if you feel guilty while you're doing it it doesn't benefit you? So grant yourself permission, and then keep the guilt out! Thanks for this post. :)
I had no idea that if you feel guilty doing something for yourself, it doesn't benefit you. That is really surprising! and yes to resentment being tied to envy. for sure. Thanks for weighing in!
Wow, this is so on point! I just read the chapter on resentment in Brene Brown's Atlas of the Heart, and she says Resentment is closely tied to ENVY...
“For years, I assumed that resentment was a form of anger related to my perfectionism. I mostly felt resentful toward people whom I perceived to be not working or sacrificing or grinding or perfecting or advocating as hard as I was...Resentment is a part of envy…I’m not mad because you’re resting. I’m mad because I’m so bone tired and I want to reset. But, unlike you, I’m going to pretend that I don’t need to.” ~Brene Brown
I have gotten better at this over the years. It started with giving myself permission to have childcare when I wasn't working. And then to allow myself to rest and relax IN FRONT OF THE NANNY! I'm now working on allowing myself to buy nice things, even when they aren't on sale. And to watch a TV show during the day while doing nothing (not while multi-tasking). Also, did you know that if you feel guilty while you're doing it it doesn't benefit you? So grant yourself permission, and then keep the guilt out! Thanks for this post. :)
I had no idea that if you feel guilty doing something for yourself, it doesn't benefit you. That is really surprising! and yes to resentment being tied to envy. for sure. Thanks for weighing in!