I'm pretty new here and wow, this just resonates so deeply. I do wonder if marriage is going extinct - some sort of massive reckoning feels like its underway. I am JUST starting to write about my experience of how my 29-year/24-married relationship came crashing down, and the level of gaslighting and anesthetizing I was doing to my own self is SHOCKING in retrospect. Equally shocking is how hard it is for me to speak my truthiest truths, it's like my ancestors and society have drugged me or something - I can have moments of panic where I feel like I'm going to get burned at the stake for just sharing what was real FOR ME. To make it all the more harder, my wasband wasn't a bad guy - I think he was also programmed into the same system I was. I now consider myself self-partnered, and honestly cannot imagine sharing my bed or my home full-time with another man for the rest of my life. I can't tell you how grateful I am to have found Substack and places like this to share stories, support, and learn from one another. Thank you both so much.
This was like drinking a glass of water I didn’t even know I needed. For most of my abusive relationship I was cloaked in shame for staying whilst I considered myself such a feminist. And even defended my ex as being feminist to his sister. The cultural narratives kept me spinning in circles and his covert manipulation meant no one saw him controlling me. I am heartbroken for a society that I thought I lived in. I am fearful for a society we might be headed. I am hopeful for a society we might built if enough of us saw it for what it is currently. Thank you Cindy and thank you Kate
What an amazing and eye opening article that resonates so much with me. I wish I could share my story. I’m starting, tentatively, on my own page. I’m trying to get out of my marriage and I know that once I do, I will never be married to anyone ever again. It’s so hard with young kids but I know they’re experiencing far worse now than if I was a single, independent woman. I have no autonomy, respect or any freedom now and it’s soul-sucking. Marriage feels like incarceration.
I'm pretty new here and wow, this just resonates so deeply. I do wonder if marriage is going extinct - some sort of massive reckoning feels like its underway. I am JUST starting to write about my experience of how my 29-year/24-married relationship came crashing down, and the level of gaslighting and anesthetizing I was doing to my own self is SHOCKING in retrospect. Equally shocking is how hard it is for me to speak my truthiest truths, it's like my ancestors and society have drugged me or something - I can have moments of panic where I feel like I'm going to get burned at the stake for just sharing what was real FOR ME. To make it all the more harder, my wasband wasn't a bad guy - I think he was also programmed into the same system I was. I now consider myself self-partnered, and honestly cannot imagine sharing my bed or my home full-time with another man for the rest of my life. I can't tell you how grateful I am to have found Substack and places like this to share stories, support, and learn from one another. Thank you both so much.
"self partnered" Love this and your eloquent comment on the whole.
This was like drinking a glass of water I didn’t even know I needed. For most of my abusive relationship I was cloaked in shame for staying whilst I considered myself such a feminist. And even defended my ex as being feminist to his sister. The cultural narratives kept me spinning in circles and his covert manipulation meant no one saw him controlling me. I am heartbroken for a society that I thought I lived in. I am fearful for a society we might be headed. I am hopeful for a society we might built if enough of us saw it for what it is currently. Thank you Cindy and thank you Kate
This is fascinating. Women will read it and it will help them break free. Thank you Cindy and Kate for sharing.
What an amazing and eye opening article that resonates so much with me. I wish I could share my story. I’m starting, tentatively, on my own page. I’m trying to get out of my marriage and I know that once I do, I will never be married to anyone ever again. It’s so hard with young kids but I know they’re experiencing far worse now than if I was a single, independent woman. I have no autonomy, respect or any freedom now and it’s soul-sucking. Marriage feels like incarceration.