Behind the Scenes
an excerpt from my manuscript
Those who have been following here for a while know that I have been quietly working on a book behind the scenes for the last year and a half. I first wrote a book proposal (which is what you need to sell a book to a traditional publisher) and sent it to some agents in April. I then determined that I needed to write the entire manuscript. Which, thanks to part-time custody, I was able to do relatively quickly (it helps that this is technically my twelfth book). I finished that draft in October.
The book is currently titled Ghost: a memoir of hiding, haunting, and healing. It tracks my tendency to erase myself, to disappear, to hide behind others. Most obvious was my career as a ghostwriter, where I was invisible from the work I produced (thus the title of the book… ghostwriters call themselves ghosts). But then I began to realize that this tendency was ingrained in me in other ways: in my life as an identical twin, in my evangelical adolescence (I was a Young Life Christian, IYKYK), even in my roles as wife and mother.
The book started as an interrogation into this tendency. Was it unique to me, or due to a society designed to erase women? But then, it took a turn I didn’t expect. It became not just the story of how I lost myself, but ultimately, how I am found.
Not many people can claim to be a ghost.
Hidden. In the shadows. You feel its presence but cannot pin it down.
That was my career for a decade.
To be invisible meant I was doing a good job.
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To disappear.
To recede.
To fade into the background.
To let others claim credit for your work.
This also sounds like what it means to be a woman.
I first shared an excerpt of this work in October of 2022 (read it here). I queried some of you on Instagram to hear which chapters you were most eager to see a peak of. I ended up going with an excerpt from Rebel. Rebel takes place during the pandemic. It is when I began to awaken from my slumber, become aware of my unhappiness, when I began to want to reset the terms. I will never know if this was due to me turning forty (mid-life portal), starting therapy, or the pandemic itself. But let’s just say, I did not come out of the pandemic the same.
It references Sue Monk Kidd, Glennon Doyle, and an online parent loss support group I did during the pandemic with Claire Bidwell Smith.
