"You haven't really lived until you receive photos via Whatsapp of your husband at a bar with his beloved"
The Divorce Diaries, 6
It’s time for another installment of The Divorce Diaries. This woman reached out after my post Is This the End of Marriage? (It quickly became my most popular post to date, supplanting Our Fair Play Discussion Signaled the End of My Marriage which had been sitting in that top spot since its publication in February). She’s in the 14 year club (i.e. the divorce happened after 14 years of marriage). Please note this list includes Sarah Manguso,
, Kelle Hampton (of Enjoying the Small Things), , Glennon Doyle & . Oh, and me.Her story features infidelity, a four year divorce process, and some stellar advice about how to keep your emotions out of your negotiation.
Don't use the divorce to punish your ex. Most courts don't care if your ex was a horrible person who did horrible things. You're dissolving a business. Get what you're owed.
If you are new here, I keep these accounts anonymous and behind a paywall so that we can talk openly about things that typically remain behind closed doors. But this kind of knowledge can be helpful for all of us. We need these stories. Whether you face a divorce or not, these stories have power. These women have learned, grown, and become stronger through the process. I collect their wisdom here so that we have a place to come to feel less alone, or for guidance along the way.
Next week I’ll be doing a new series, one per day just for paying subscribers on Things I Wished I’d Known Before Going Through a Divorce. You won’t want to miss it. I’ll also be turning on the Chat feature for paying subscribers of The Mother Lode so they can add their own “what I wished I’d known” to my list, and ask any questions that the collective can answer. This is an opportunity to connect with other women facing, or who have faced, divorce. To discuss must-read books or articles. This is the whisper network, how we show up for each other, how we work together to dismantle systems designed to keep down. Join us as we unpack the nuances and complications of marriage, motherhood, divorce and coparenting in real time.
Read on for another installment of The Divorce Diaries.