"You are never going home from this war"
The Divorce Diaries, 3
Welcome to the third installment of The Divorce Diaries.
I’ve been working for quite some time with this mother, whose story is complicated, shocking, and sad. She lived with her ex (with their toddler) in a two-bedroom condo throughout most of the divorce process DURING THE PANDEMIC. Her story also reveals the devastating effects of unpaid child support.
Because her son was young when they decided to separate, and they had determined she would be the primary caretaker until he was in kindergarten, she was not in a position to take on full-time work upon separation. She needed support numbers that would allow her to afford rent, groceries, and everything involved with housing and feeding a young child. After a long, arduous process, they reached a settlement. And then, he stopped paying.
It turns out, there are holes in the support system (shocking).
The story below outlines not just a nightmare of a divorce process, but a war that has continued.
“There have been many times in the last few years where I have thought: Why am I still triggered by things? Why am I still reactive? I kept wondering when I would feel more at ease. I then realized that when you are divorced from a high-conflict person, you are never free of them if you share a child. You are never going home from this war. You are always in some ways in battle. So it is not PTSD, just ongoing trauma.”