Welcome to Episode 3 of my Math of Motherhood series. (Episode 1, on pregnancy and childbirth, can be found here. Episode 2, on unpaid labor in the home, can be found here).
Well, we’re back to school, a time to celebrate as it allows us to return to some sort of schedule or routine, rather than the constant chaos of summertime. It still feels like a minor miracle that my children are in other people’s care for so many hours of the day. That for once, the burden of not just entertaining them but turning them into proper people is a responsibility for someone else.
But even school can be an exercise in insanity.
Let’s put aside the fact that most schools end at 2 or 3 pm, hours before a traditional work day wraps up. Below are some other factors that make my life as a parent who works outside the home much more complicated than it needs to be. I used to fight these situations, asking teachers to help me understand, corralling other parents to feel the same outrage. But there was nothing to do. Nowadays, I just shrug my shoulders and deal with it, an attitude that feels reminiscent of so much of the drudgery of motherhood. We get worn down because no one cares. So we learn to just take it, accept it, and keep soldiering on.
Please note both my children attend public school. I live in Palo Alto, California where most families earn dual incomes. Our school district is highly rated. And yet…
Different Start Days
I currently have one child in elementary school and one in middle school. Both schools are in the same district so you would think my children would return to school in the fall on the same day. Nope. My oldest started school on Wednesday, August 9. My youngest started school on Thursday, August 10. Why? I don’t know. This means, to make up for that “missed” day, my youngest returns to school after holiday break on Monday, January 9. But my oldest doesn’t go back until Tuesday, January 10.
Different Release Times (at the same school)
I enjoyed three years when both of my children attended the same school, so you would think that would mean just one drop off and pick up time. But kindergarten is only half day until the middle of October. Then, they get out at 2:35. But my older daughter, who was in third grade at the time, didn’t get released until 2:55. So I had to sit with my kindergartener and wait. Every day. This added up to an hour and 20 minutes of wasted time every week. To add insult to injury, the younger kids weren’t allowed to play on the play structures during those 20 minutes as the noise would distract the kids still learning. (This is still how our school is set up. Kinder, first, second and third graders get out at 2:35. Fourth and fifth graders at 2:55.)
The Dreaded Minimum Day
Does your school district have a minimum day? I don’t know why these exist, but this is a day, every week, where your child gets released early. For my younger daughter, she gets out at 1:30 every Wednesday. But for my older daughter, her minimum day is Friday. So as a parent, I have 2 days a week where my children are done with school by 1:40.
WTF Schedules
This is the release schedule for our middle school: Mondays, my daughter is done at 2:30. Tuesdays at 3:15. Wednesdays at 2:30. Thursdays at 3:15. Fridays at 1:40. Thank god we live close enough so she can walk because otherwise Lord knows I would show up at the wrong time every day.
Also, this year they started something new. Late start Mondays once a month when school doesn’t start until 10. Why? I don’t know. I have stopped even caring. Now I just expect that the school will do whatever it can to inconvenience its parents while simultaneously driving us insane.
All the Days Off
I get it, three day weekends are sometimes fun! But, here are the days we have with no school: Monday 8/21; Monday 9/4; Monday 9/25; Monday 10/9; Friday 11/10; Monday 1/15; Friday 2/16; Monday 2/19; Friday 3/18; Monday 3/11; Monday 5/27.
That’s a total of 11 days off for random holidays (bolded) and teacher work days. Then of course we get the week of Thanksgiving, two weeks over the holidays, a week for spring break. And then 9 ½ weeks of summer.
Minimum Days Before Holidays
We also have short days the Friday before long breaks like Thanksgiving, Winter Break, and Spring Break. For my older daughter, these minimum days end at 12:40. For some reason, this means she gets out at 2:30 the Thursday before instead of 3:15. (Are you keeping up? Does any of this make sense?)
*Bonus Annoyance: Field Trips
In my district, they do not use buses for field trips so if a class is going to take a field trip, they must have enough parents willing to take the day off work to drive and chaperone.
Does this kill me? No. Are there probably valid reasons for all of this? Yes. But I think putting the facts down on paper and calling it what it is - insane - is worth it. Again, I’m not even saying we should rehaul the whole school system so that it more accurately matches up to typical workday. I’m asking why, on top of not having a system that helps working parents at all, we also overcomplicate things with different end times, a haphazard schedule of days off, and so many emails from the schools that you feel like you are constantly having to monitor your inbox so you don’t miss that school today started at 10 am.
And we know who holds all these dates and schedules in their brains. Moms.
I’m sure every school distract has their own quirks. But if you are feeling frustrated by the chaos of school schedules, know you are not alone. If you want to air your own grievances, post a comment below.
If you’re wondering what to do with your frustration, Mom Rage by Minna Dubin was released yesterday! I’ll be featuring an interview with her soon. Or meet us both in Berkeley on Thursday, September 21 at 7pm at Books Inc.
Further Reading:
This great post from
on “The Parenting Math that Doesn’t Add Up.”“TikTok Mom Goes Off on the Impossible Task of Being a Working Mom with Kids in Sports.” Scary Mommy.
ICYMI: I do Cultural Cliff Notes posts for paid subscribers of all the things I’m reading and ruminating on in rough form that often develop into essays. Want the sneak peak into the process? Become a paid subscriber for just $5/month or $50/year. I just released one last week that features articles, a podcast rec, a reference to The Real Housewives of New York City, and a motherhood novel that really landed for me.
Dr. Becky just came out with a TED Talk on repair. And it’s good. Watch it here.
I thought that my school schedule was annoying, but actually, you win! It's the minimum days for me. That's new.
Excellent write up Cindy