The Divorce Diaries, No. 10

"My future financial stability was more important than remaining 'friends'"

This week’s divorce diary comes from Australia. And what you’ll appreciate about the interview below is this woman’s perspective on how to split their assets.

Alimony is relatively rare in Australia. Therefore, rather than the 50/50 split typically suggested by the courts, because her ex had three times the earning power that she did and because she’d sacrificed her earning power due to caretaking responsibilities throughout their marriage, she fought for a larger share of their assets. And won.

In Australia, the courts focus on something called “future needs,” in other words, what each spouse will need in the future in order to avoid financial hardship and maintain their current standard of living. His higher income capacity meant he would be able to maintain their standard of living much easier than she would given that she had taken time off to care for the children and then only worked part time.

She admits she spent more in legal fees to get this. Some people advised her it wasn’t worth the fight. Friends and even her therapist suggested it was better to let go and move on.

But for her, it was more than protecting her financial future. It was about standing up to a bully and honoring her value. “Standing up to him like that was a powerful and significant part of my healing,” she told me. “And had I not done so, it would have set the post-separation tone.” Showing her backbone in this matter allows her to continue to set boundaries and honor her value today.

“We had agreed to be amicable when we separated. But it did not take me long to realize that amicable only meant if I agreed to his terms.”

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