Parts Work
The Productive One
This is a new series that explores my work with IFS (aka Internal Family Systems) a bit more deeply. This has been integral work for me post MDMA therapy (if you missed how MDMA therapy helped me leave my marriage, read the post here). I find parts work incredibly helpful in my healing as well as with learning to hold myself with compassion.
I first wrote about IFS in detail here, after We Can Do Hard Things hosted Richard Schwartz, author of No Bad Parts, on their podcast. They have also explored parts work in episodes with Martha Beck (don’t miss it here) and Dr. Becky.
Here’s a little synopsis of IFS from that post:
“IFS posits that we all have different parts that make up our internal structure, like different members of a family. Sometimes these parts oppose each other, like The Rebel and The Good Girl (in this podcast, Schwartz called this polarization). Sometimes parts get exiled, in other words, shut away if they do not get you what you need (which in childhood is namely love and acceptance). Certain parts can become dominant and begin to run the show. If they run the show too much, you can become blended with this part, which means this part thinks it is you.
A key tenant of IFS is that none of these parts are bad. They are actually pretty adaptive. But sometimes we let parts that were necessary for our survival in childhood continue to be in charge even though we are no longer vulnerable or need them in the same ways.”
This post was called “You Don’t Have to Keep Soldering On,” and touched on my Soldier part, who keeps going no matter how hard life is (I also touched on IFS and this part here). I’ve explored how my Good Girl part wouldn’t let me leave my marriage.
Recently I’ve been working with my Productive One. This is the part of me that wants to be at my desk first thing in the morning, checking things off my to do list. This is the part of me that can write books in a matter of months, who currently is working on her own book, collaborating with an author, writing this Substack, and is still wrapping up the final documents of her divorce.
This part has served me very well. I love this part of me! I sometimes marvel at my productivity!
But I recognize that this part is also a little pathological. Because sometimes a girl needs to rest.
My Productive One finds her worth in what she accomplishes. She doesn’t want to let me stop because she is addicted to the gold star, what she thinks is proof of her worthiness. She can also avoid her feelings through her busy-ness. Can’t look within! Can’t meditate! We have things to do!
Sometimes my parts come to me as animals. And this part is like a chicken with her head cut off. She’s squawking around, making a fuss, running from here to there, look at me and how hard I am working EVERYONE!
So the other day, I decided I was going to sit down and journal before I went to my desk. I wanted to try slowing down, taking time to go in, before I started my day. The productive one was feeling a bit panicked about this choice. I tried to acknowledge her, and her desire that I get my ass to my desk. But I wanted to turn down her volume a bit. Make room for some other parts.