"I don't care if I never touch a man again"
The Divorce Diaries, 8
This week I share a divorce diary from a woman who has just initiated proceedings, thus she cannot report on how long it takes, or how much it cost. She is still in the thick of it, the weird in-between when you are still living under the same roof despite having made the decision to end your partnership. “This limbo-purgatory state while waiting for him to move out is the strangest fucking thing,” she writes. “He’s literally sitting here in the living room on his tablet like nothing has changed.”
It is interesting to read the perspective of someone who has just started the journey. When I asked “what was the most contentious part of the divorce,” she says just the decision itself. And yet, part of me, when I read that, wanted to say: oh, just wait. Most likely the most contentious part is still to come.
Now, perhaps her divorce will be relatively clean, as she anticipates. Yet I think many of those who have weathered the divorce process know that sometimes the path veers in directions you never expect. For a while, I contemplated whether there were stages of divorce, like:
decision
logistics
leaving
filing
mediation or settlement discussions
the blow up
purgatory
resolution and signing
I mean, this was the pattern my divorce followed (read about my experience of divorce purgatory here). I wanted to say to this woman, just wait until the blow up and he all of a sudden asks for something you never saw coming!
But perhaps she will get through the experience relatively unscathed. I do think that the more couples keep their money separate, the easier the divorce process can be.
Either way, you can feel the relief in her interview of having finally made this decision.
A reminder for new subscribers that The Divorce Diaries is paywalled given the sensitivity of the content and that these women have graciously opened up about the hardest parts of their lives. A paid subscription gives you access to these stories as well as my series Things I Wished I’d Known Before Going Through a Divorce, Behind the Scenes, and Cultural Cliff Notes. It also grants you access to The Mother Lode chat.
Read on, for what its like to be on the cusp of divorce.
If you’re reading “Should I Stay Or Should I Go” for the second time, you should probably take the hint.