Back in the Saddle Again?
On the January slow start
Happy New Year! Did you survive the long break? I did, but only by not even trying to write anything while my kids were at home. I, of course, have the luxury of choosing not to work while my kids aren’t in school, and not everyone has that option. But I have found that it is the dissonance that arises between what mothering requires of me and what working requires of me that often leaves me feeling like I am going to pull out my hair. When I can just hang up my “work” hat and put on my “mother” hat, I feel less insane. Or, when my kids leave for school, and I can ignore all the household things begging for my attention and just work during those hours, I feel more grounded. It is the floating back and forth between one and the other that can leave me feeling unhinged.
I wasn’t kid-free until January 10. That’s right. For some reason, my middle schooler didn’t have school on Monday. That combined with the MLK holiday which is always right after we think we’re back in the swing of things means no five day work week until the week of January 23. Yikes. So am I back in the saddle? Kind of?
Consequently, this will be a short and sweet missive about what to expect in the upcoming months in this newsletter. I’m thrilled to be interviewing Holly Harper and Herrin Hopper about the “mommune” they created in the wake of their divorces. I’ll be exploring the bad press on marriage these days, including Michelle Obama’s openness about the difficulties of marriage on her book tour, as well as what TV shows like “Fleishman Is In Trouble” and the second season of “The White Lotus” depict about modern marriage today. I’m also going to compile a list of my favorite episodes of the We Can Do Hard Things podcast. It is hard to believe that it has only existed for a year. I sometimes feel like: how did I survive without a weekly dose of Glennon, Abby and Sister? I plan to discuss forthcoming books Wanting: Women Writing About Desire, an anthology edited by Margot Kahn and Kelly McMasters and Women Without Kids by Ruby Warrington. I’m sure Maggie Smith’s upcoming memoir (I’m profiling her for Literary Mama) will make an appearance.
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Rather than think about New Year, New You, I’m reflecting on something I did in the past year that I’m proud of. I stopped biting my nails. I’ve been an obsessive nail biter since childhood and nothing I did seemed to help. Then, while I was getting my very, very short nails painted at the nail salon, one of the technicians recommended getting tips. She said they would prevent me from being able to bite my nails and maybe then they could grow out. I don’t know why this had never occurred to me before. Probably I knew it was expensive (it is, $55 a pop but they last 3-4 weeks) and there was a part of me that looked down on women who spent that kind of money on appearances (also, the upkeep, one of the reasons I have never colored my hair). But in June, I decided to try it. I felt like a stranger when I looked down at my long nails, but the technician was right. I couldn’t bite. I still found myself putting my fingers in my mouth, but the tips were so strong, nothing I did could rip them, tear them, or break them. I went in to get another set of tips and then by that time, my nails were long enough to just do a powder manicure. The one time I switched to a regular gel manicure, after about a week, I started biting my nails again. And I hated it. Who was this woman, who constantly gnawed at her nails? It was so compulsive and icky and I couldn’t believe that I had just done this my entire life, accepting that this was just how things had to be. I now go back and get a fresh manicure every 3 weeks but it honestly has changed my life. Yes, it takes time and costs money but to no longer be the woman who tears her fingers to shreds? Priceless.
Was there anything you accomplished last year that surprised you? Made you proud of yourself? We do so much celebrating of others in our lives, cheering on our children and spouses. But I think we should also take time to celebrate ourselves. Our big wins and little wins. They all matter.
I love this! 💗 For me, I started typing up my journals from the early years when my two Autistic boys were younger. And I published them in a new newsletter. It’s a vulnerable move for me and I was / am challenged by that feeling. I’m surprised I did it, really. But I’m glad I did.